Security Files #18

"You Gotta Be Kidding Me"

So I'm on this baseball related commercial with Tommy Lasorda. In the commercial he helps other baseball fans not to be ashamed of their teams that didn't make it in the playoffs.
Which rerminds me, to all you DODGER fans, ever wonder why they call themselves Dodger Blue? They lose so much and never go anywhere which make their fans Blue...
Okay our first day we shot over in Long Beach, Tommy Lasords character tells this guy sitting up in a tree to come down while a little girl plays the piano. Our next day were at a house just around the corner from our last set and this time Tommy's character has to get a family from hiding under the kitchen sink. Our 3rd day we shoot over at USC campus, at one of their prestiges sorority's (That's what they say) I'm watching Tommy inthe building, (he didn't want any students bothering him) So I'm looking at the many pictures they have up in the place. I and many others notice there's something wrong with the wall of pictures. There's no color. I mean every girl looked blonde, brunette blue eyes, green eyes. Talk about Stepford Wives society. Today was a big day for Tommy, he wanted to see Maddox pitch for the first time for the dodgers. While their setting up the tv I'm standing around talking to the pa's. Two of them were Brazilian, just something about those brazlian girls...Things that make you go Hhmm. So these sorority sisters were just staring at us.
PA: Those girls keep on staring I'm going to go over and kick her ass!
(I could go for a good cat fight right about now)
One of the girls approaches us. That pa just might get her wish.
The girl, tall athletic, beautiful, light blonde hair blue eyes colgate smile looks at me.
GIRL: We were wondering what Fraternity are you with?
I look back maybe their talking to someone behind me.
GIRL: I'm talking to you. My sisters and I want to know what Fraternity is Security.
I'm stunned with silence.
GIRL: We notice that it must be a minority franternity.
I had four other guards working with me today, and they're all black Hence the minority comment.
The girl turns around to her fellow sisters.
GIRL: I don't think he speaks english.
Another sorority sister walks up, speaking in very bad spanish
ME: I speak english.
GIRL: Then why didn't you answer.
ME: I don't speak stupid
The girls are shocked.
GIRL: Excuse you.
ME: No excuse you. Do you really believe that I'm in a Franternity called Security?
They look at eachother. both answer "YES"
ME: I'm a security officer, you know those guys that roam the campus keeping you safe.
They laugh.
GIRL: Your one of those guys, My daddy say's you guys make no money.
ME: Next time you talk to your daddy, tell him he's wasting his money on his stupid child in college.
This is why I'm a UCLA fan.

This converstation might seem a little far fetched, but believe when I say this, It was true... very, very true

Security Files

So I'm working on this one movie set. Another Gay Movie. It's suppose to be a spoof on American Pie or something like that. Today were filming in Silverlake. Been at this location tons of times.So I make my way back to my truck when this fellow comes behind me and asks for a quarter. Yep a freaking quarter. ME: I don't have a quarter.GUY: Give me a damn quarter!He grabs my shoulder, I swipe away his arm. He pulls his other arm out of his jacket holding a knife and aiming towards my stomach. I grab that arm, twist it back and land a Right fist to his face. When the guy fell to the ground I continue to hit with my right fist. My left fist was driping with blood from his knife wound he inflicted upon me.After the Drivers pull me off from the guy I'm told to do the usual stuff, make a police report, go to the hospital and make sure if the knife isn't contagious and stitches. This way the production will pay for everything.When I return back to set. I'm told I have to be let go cuase I'm too violent.Who was stabbed again? Go figure. Damn Freakin Bastards!Just another day in Hollywood.

Security Files

It's dark and starting to get cold here in one of the many ranches the film companies use to shoot their scene. I'm with another guard working on the movie "MY BROTHER THE PIG" with Judge reinhold. I wondered what ever happened to that guy. It's late and very dark. My guard and I start hearing chainsaws from the distance with screaming or at least sounded like screaming. I hate working in these ranches and not having any phone service and being locked inside. (not fun at all) at least we were both armed. The screams go on for at least a half and hour till they stop. We wonder if the chainsaw guy will come our way thru the dark. but we never see anything. I let the site rep know what we heard last night. He just gives me a weird look like I'm crazy. Whats crazy is hearing these screams for help in the middle of darkness.

Security Files

I'm walking around the stage area over in Laurel cyn stages. Ive been doing this for 11 yrs and thisis the first timeI have ever been to this stage. It's the film crews day off so I wonder through everywhere talking on my 2way nextel, not worrying about keeping the sound down. In my conversation I hear baby cries. i search the whohle lot and even outside the gate to find the source of this sound. nothing. I come close to the stage door and there was the cry. I put my ear tothe door and hear the baby screams from inside. Must be the janitor's doing their weekly cleaning. A few days later I let the stage manager know about the Janitor's baby crying. He gives me this weird look.

HIM: They only come on Tuesdays.

that would of made it Sunday when I heard the cries.

ME: Well it came from inside.

HIM: YOu know this place is haunted.

(Now they tell me)

ME: How do you know that?

HIM: The girl who works on the other side had her pyschic friend come in and walk through the place. She said she saw a family of farmers. Now not too many people know that this was a farm before it was turned into a building back in the early 60's. Even I have encounter weird stuff that I can't explain or smelled like animals in here.

(come to think of it, I never heard any other voices or noises coming from inside)

Were done with this location and moving on to Blue Sky Ranch. Dirt. I hate Dirt.

Another Day In Paradise 

Security Files

So I'm working this commercial in Downt town LA in a parking lot on the corner of San Pedro and 8th street. They're building a huge skateboard ramp for a car commercial. Across teh street there's another commercial going on. I know a few of the people in that crew. As the day passes I notice these latina chicks walking thru the alley way smiling at me. Wow, em I really that attracted? I asked myself. The homeless guy who cleans the club next to our location came up to me and asked if I liked what I saw. I just mentioned there are some cute girls wondering these parts of the streets.

HIM: There Hookers.

ME: You Serious?

HIM: There girls who pay coyotes to bring them over. So they work off their fee by making money for them.

He points to one girl.

HIM: You see that one, she's been here for 3months. The rest of them are new, I don't recgonize them. But the new one with the long tails seems to be the popular one. She has more customers and regulars than the rest.

Sure enough I kept noticing the same girls walking thru the alley way and into the Arcade down the alley. They have many rooms set up in that arcade. When they walk down the alley with their customer he or she will either walk ahead or behind them as if they were not with them. A guy fromthe Arcade will watch the backdoor and if any cars drive by he will lock the door till its clear once again. I hear the police tried to catch them once or twice but failed every time. It's a shame to see these girls in that situation. If you look at them, you would of never thought they were hookers. As the day passes I see them going in and out of the alley way. Here I thought I was good looking. So much for that...

Security Files #3334

"Take that Trojans!"

I'm back on this creature feature "Pray for Morning" show filming in the middle of LA at Park view plaza. I've worked this location tons of times, I remember when there used to be tons of crack heads and homeless roaming these streets during the day and double at night. They some how cleaned up the place a little. We are sharing the building with a USC trojan party tonight, there has to be at least a couple hundred students here partying down.

Tojans..meh..

I look at my phone and notice that I have only 30 minutes till I'm off work, nice. These USC students are getting drunk as if this was a fraternity house. These white gals come up to a few of us acting stupid and asking questions about the movie and so forth. Not even the Mayonaise commercial phrase could save us from their stupidity. One of the girls was quiet and staring off into the park at some of the locals hanging around. Little did she know that this isn't the place to do that kind of thing giving off dirty looks, this isn't the OC. The local (african american lady in her late 20's, homeless and on drugs) steps up to the girl staring at her.

Blk Lady: What you looking at Bitch!
USC Girl: Whatever, whore.
Blk Lady: What skank? Fucking Bitch, I'll fuck your shit up!

I don't get invovled, not my party to guard. The events guard cheer onthe fight with "rip her clothes off, hit her and Kick her ass". What do you expect for minimum wage...

USC Girl: Go get a job crack whore.

her friends laugh at the insult.

Blk Lady: I do have a job slut. I'm a fucking plastic surgeon Bitch!
USC Girl: Yea right.

Black lady gives her a right to the nose. Blood gushes out of the USC girls nose, followed by screams of terror. Her friends watch in shock.

Blk Lady: I just gave you a new nose Bitch!

Blk Lady walks away.

Blk Lady: Come in my hood talking your shit, mother fucking bitch don't know who she fucking with. Stupid ass white piece of shit....

In a way I was at least hoping the fight would of lasted the rest of my time on my shift, but all it took was a Mike Tyson one hit knock out. The USC girl went back into the party full of blood crying her heart out. I bet she'll think twice before she's a smart ass in a city she's never been before.

This is why I'm a UCLA fan, we bruins know how to take care of ourselves in tough situations.

Security Files

Rabid Racoon..

Just another great day here in Boyle Heights.. I've been working on this show called Gene Generation starring Bai Ling.. She's been in tons of films.
It's close to 6pm and they're still filming. The Directors assistant comes to me informing me that somebody was attacked by a racoon. This is our 3rd week at this location and the first racoon insident that's happen since we've been there. Apparently the site rep didn't want anyone to get scared and figured the animal would'nt come out during the same time the film crew was since those creatures are nocturnal.
Myself, my guard and one of the Pa's go searching for the creature. the site rep joins us later n the hunt. Now I'm only going in to make sure the animal left our part of the closed down hospital, but the site rep is on for the kill. He killed one last week. (News that should of been told to at least me to keep an eye out for the hairy little creep)

We enter rooms and find nothing. Mind you this hospital has been closed down forever and tons of film crews have been thru here and so the inside can be rundown or shall I say falling apart.
We get a call in the radio stating that someone was bitten down in the basement. How in the hell did that thing get down there so quick.

We arrive down in the basement. If any of you who been there then you know how creepy and haunted this place is. (more on the haunted stuff in the book) The basement is very damp and full of mosquitos. there's a tunnel at the end leading towards the halfway house...(druggies, crazies you name it)..Once again we come up with nothing, but out of the gleaming light little eys glow. (thank god for my bright little flashlight.. well worth the 80 bucks) We seem to surround the little creature, but the closer we get the creature isn't that small. It's actually big, with big fangs. The creature hisses at us. The site rep who's armed with a baseball bat, I'm armed with my 12inch 2 sided blade...yes very illegal...My other guard and pa have nothing.. silly rabbits...
Before the site rep can get a good hit at the creature it leaps, now the Pa who told me

PA: If I encounter that racoon I'm going to give him five pounds of this..waving his fist around...

My thoughts were...(Okay tough guy)

Not only is the racoon big, it's also fast and jumps off the wall attacking the Pa's feet, the guy screams his heart out, kicking in evry direction. My guard who is unarmed thinks twice about getting closer and looks for a weapon. the site rep throws a chair at the Coon it runs very quickly into the dark.

I go with the site rep, but we lose it between tons of furniture and other obstacles in the way. We try to dig deep but the lights turn off in the basement. Not so much fun standing in the dark with something hissing not too far from you. Of course not only did my guard not bring nothing down with him but he also didn't bring his flashlight..(bastard)..So now the Pa is screaming bloody murder, and for our medic we have on set on the radio.

I get my flashlight out from its case, the racoon was insight not too far from me. One jump and it would of been on top of me.
It was one of those Ripley coming face to face with the Alien, just with out the slimey saliva running down its mouth.
I was just about to swing my knife when the lead pipe hit the racoon sending it down a floor below us.

ME: Fuck! Warn me if your going to do that shit!

REP: Sorry, I didn't think.

Just like one of those horror movies, when we both looked down. The body wasn't there.

Great.

We have "Michael Racoon Myers "roaming this hospital.